Who are you?  Mr. Schizo

Where are you?  Some Hospital Without a Psych Unit

Why are you here?  I’m sick.

Who am I?  A nurse.

What am I here to do?  Help me.

My schizophrenic man was in an active phase, and every activity I attempted had become an impossible chore.  And so I began running through this script every time I entered the room.

By the time he answered the last question, Mr. Schizo was calmed (however briefly) and allowed me to do whatever it was I had come to do.