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I recently had a dialysis patient who needed some pain medicine during treatment. When I got there I suited up before heading in. I spoke briefly with her dialysis nurse. He was pleasant and let me know how much longer she had.
Later, I was at the station when the ward clerk called my name. “Diana!” I turned to see a guy holding my patient’s chart. It took me a moment to realize who he was since he had been wearing a mask and gown when I saw him last – and I said as much to him before getting report. (That in itself was odd as the dialysis nurses usually called to give their report before sending the patient back down. ) After getting report he asked me, “Is it Diana (English pronunciation) or Dee-AH-nah?” I responded, ” Dee-AH-nah, but no one can ever say it.” “I’m Juan. It’s nice to meet you,” he said while offering his hand. I shook it and went on to see my patient.
Since then I see him at least once during my shift, usually in passing. Just long enough for a smile in greeting, but also strange because there is typically no reason for a dialysis nurse to be on our floor unless they have to do the treatment at the bedside. Very rare. Yesterday it looked like he took the stairs from the floor above me to take the elevators directly in front of my station.
He’s kind of cute.
I’ve always liked John, the night nurse. He’s funny and cute, but was married so our interactions always remained platonic. We joke and kid around much like I do with my own brother. In fact, I’d never noticed a whiff of inappropriate behavior on his part with me or anyone else.
With a recent divorce , he’s suddenly gone from hands-off to totally free. And since then it doesn’t feel so safe… if that makes any sense. I don’t feel like I changed any of my behaviors; it’s more like everything he says seems to have another meaning, and I don’t think I’m reading more into it.
He had me take a picture of him that he said was to send to his sister. His camera phone is kind of crappy, so I offered to use mine. Like most people, he wasn’t thrilled with the photos and commented that he just kept looking fat. He’s not, but – yes- the pictures were not so flattering. He asked me then if I thought he was good-looking.
Another time I was giving him report, and while joking about something he leaned over and squeezed my arm. It stood out in my mind because, while nothing big, I don’t think he’d ever actually touched me before – except to kick me behind my knee to try to make me unsteady. That’s been pretty regular since we’ve met. Like I said, he was always like a brother.
During another shift change he made some remark that I can’t remember now about my mood -
Me: “Hey! Just remember you always see me at my worst: first thing in the morning and at the end of a shift.”
John: “So….we should do lunch?”
It’s been a little weird. He’s newly divorced (7 yrs and 2 kids) and a co-worker. So it’s not that I’m seriously considering starting or encouraging anything. I just miss my old pal.
That and I’m a complete spaz to begin with.
The wedding was beautiful. There was perfect weather for a beach wedding. There was an amazing group of friends and family that were truly a testament to the bride and groom. There were tears shed during their vows and during the bride’s father’s toast. There was dancing. Lots of dancing. And cute groomsmen.
Like my dress, mine was the best. ;) Seriously, this guy was cute, tall, and funny as hell. A few times I caught the potential for douchiness, but it was only a weekend and he was entertaining. I had my first long moonlit walk on the beach with him, including a stop on some large rocks jutting out into the ocean.
After the wedding I stayed a few extra days. I saw the final Hubble mission launch and spent a day at Epcot.
I was not ready to come back.
My unit manager has been periodically mentioning a single neighbor of hers to me since the first week I started working. I’m not one for being set up by people who don’t know me well, so I just laughed it off.
In September she started bringing him up more often and offered up a few details – without my asking. He’s 32 (I’m 25), has curly hair (like me), and is a director of pharmacy in one of the chain grocery stores. I still wasn’t taking the bait.
She would ask me each time she saw me if I’d gone by the store yet to take a look. The answer was always “No” (the store is in an area of a neighboring city that I don’t frequent often). One morning, one of the guys leaving heard her and asked if she was trying to set me up. I nodded, and he said, “Don’t do it.” “You’re speaking from personal experience?” He nodded. “They’re all crazy.”
Yesterday, my charge nurse slipped me a photo of my manager, her husband, and another guy at a Halloween party. This other guy was pretty cute and dressed as a ghostbuster. The nurse said, “Don’t tell her I told you, but she told me he’s got kids.” Why wouldn’t that be a detail worth mentioning?
I went shopping with my sister, and the store we were checking out happened to be nearby his grocery store. My sister decided she would go in and take a look (and get a name). She came out smiling. Her verdict: cute, though probably significantly shorter than me (she couldn’t be sure since she couldn’t get close). She did get his name, and I definitely didn’t pull ahead in our little on-going competition of “whose guy has a better last name?” ( Though, I’m still in the lead.)
It’s not that I’m not interested in meeting someone, but that I don’t really trust my manager to do any matchmaking. We’ve never had much of a conversation beyond the initial interview and some small talk here and there. It also seems like this guy and I are in two very different places. I’m still living at home and have never really been in a serious, long-term relationship. And kids? There’s been an awful lot of thought over something I don’t plan on pursuing.
A few days later my charge nurse said, “[Nurse Manager] wanted me to ask what you thought of the picture when no one else was around so you wouldn’t be embarrassed.” That made me smile, and then I told her that I thought he was cute, but I just wasn’t interested and why. She smiled and said that my preceptor Debbie had been wanting to set me up, too, but that she didn’t know how to bring it up. I asked, “Who with?” Her son.
In the last 10 months, I’ve learned this about her son: He’s overweight and self-conscious about it. He’s got curly hair. By now he’s either finished grad school or will soon. (I forget with what.) He can sing and play the guitar. (She showed me a song he wrote,sang,played, and recorded for her for Mother’s Day.) He’s living at home to save money. (I can relate.) And…that’s about it. Except that his mama is very proud of him.
Debbie and I get along splendidly. We share a similar sense of humor, so working with her is a lot of fun. (She’s been out due to a knee/hip injury this last month.) When Charge Nurse told me of her own matchmaking wish, I replied that it was actually more agreeable to me than the other simply because Debbie knew me much better than Nurse Manager did. The idea of Debbie setting me up with anyone wouldn’t make me as uncomfortable.
And I’m sure that Charge Nurse will relay this to Debbie the next time they talk.
Will lived on the first floor of my dorm during freshman year. He was tall with deep-set eyes and an endearing awkwardness. One night a group of us were walking back to our dorm after leaving the school’s movie theater, and he hung back to poke me between jokes. I remember thinking how childishly sweet he was. A few weeks later he asked me out.
That weekend my roommates went home, and I had a lazy Saturday to myself before getting ready for the night. I was wearing a “borrowed” pink top and black skirt after trying on several outfits, unsure of what he had planned. He came to my door to pick me up wearing dress pants, a button-up shirt, and his short, curly hair slicked back.
We went to Applebee’s where he recommended the chicken-fried steak. I don’t remember what we talked about, but I do remember that there were no awkward silences. We just never ran out of things to say to each other. He seemed completely at ease, so different from the general silence that he exhibited when others were around. The only clue to any inner anxiety came as we got up to leave the restaurant when he removed a large pile of napkin shreds from his lap and placed it on the table.
Once in his car, he offered me some mints while we headed back toward campus for a concert. He admitted that it was a concert he had to attend as a music major, but he promised that it would be good. We arrived about fifteen minutes early, so he pulled out pen and paper to challenge me to a game of tic-tac-toe. We managed to squeeze in several games before the lights flickered to signal the beginning of the concert. It was lovely, and I sneaked a few glances at him to find him completely engrossed in the music.
At the end of the night, he walked me back to my door. I hugged him and thanked him for showing me a good time. It was the best date I’ve ever had with someone I knew deep down I wasn’t interested in dating again.
He and I remained friends after that one date, and I remained slightly frustrated that he couldn’t let everyone see the charming, funny guy underneath the shy exterior.
Will later dated another friend for almost two years. He originally intended to go to law school but then ended up at a NY culinary school instead. I was happy to hear the news because it seemed perfect for him. He’s now engaged to a sweet girl and working at a fabulous restaurant in Atlanta.
I still listen to the cd of classical music he gave me for my birthday that spring. I haven’t seen or spoken to him in several years, but I occasionally look him up on Facebook to see how he’s doing. He deserves the best.
Click here for more dates…
I worked the fair’s first aid stations this past weekend. Like last year, it was mostly medicine, blisters, cuts, and scrapes with an occasional emergency (stroke,seizure). All of the volunteers were nursing students at various stages within the program, and it was fun to sit around and talk to them between incidents.
I enjoyed one guy’s company in particular. He was nice and funny, and of course it didn’t hurt that he was very tall and cute. It wasn’t until the second night we worked together that I found out he was only 19. I did like him and got the impression that the feeling was mutual. When his shift ended, he came over to say goodbye, shook my hand, and then held it just a bit longer while leaning down to tell me it was nice to meet me. Long enough for some people to comment after he’d left. I’m still thinking about him a few days later. We never exchanged contact info, but we did share enough information that he could find me if he were interested.
I know that age isn’t as important as you get older, but is 5 years too much right now? Whatever my reservations, I know I wouldn’t hesitate to say yes if he did call.
JC actually pissed me off . He e-mailed me (after I had let him know that I wasn’t interested in anything more serious than friendship), and he included this gem in his message:
“I understand if you arent ready for anything serious or anyone getting close to you right now. I dont know, if, there is something between us. And I would think its wrong for you to think the same unless you dont want anything with anyone. Your mind would be closed off, made up, final decision.”
What the hell? I immediately wrote back to clear up this point with him (and some other slightly offensive assumptions):
[nice but neutral opening]… “as soon as I knew that I wasn’t interested in anything more serious, I was honest and let you know right away… I resent you saying that my being closed off to you automatically makes me closed off to anyone else. That was a pretty arrogant and passive-aggressive statement to make. My not being interested in dating you has everything to do with our individual situation and nothing with dating in general. Please don’t make any more assumptions about me.”
A few more clarifications later, I ended with:
” I don’t want to see you casually anymore. The tone in your writing makes me uneasy, and I really can’t see how it would work out even as friends without this awkward tension. Thank you for a good time and for introducing me to some great places. I’m flattered by the interest you’ve shown, and I sincerely wish you and your family the best.”
I also asked him not to call or write me anymore. I could have written a shorter, sweeter note saying “no thanks”, but, then again, I also could have added: “I know you’re a texter, but do you think your e-mails could be composed of complete, grammatically correct sentences? You’ve got the room. Use it.” Everything he wrote was full of incomplete thoughts, misspellings, and IM lingo. A quick example, and not even the most egregious: “on another note… lol im totally struck on how you type a letter. awesome! when I look at it im like umm did i write this? lol silly me… =/”
Ugh! Lol is definitely now on my pet peeves list, right after people twirling gum around their fingers.
Update: “hey. lol I bet your saying ‘I thought I said no calls or emails’ But I get you now. Thanks for the time, and im sorry for the comment…”
The depissification process is complete.
So, I ended up e-mailing JC to let him know I wasn’t interested in anything more serious than friendship. I know it’s the more cowardly way to go, but I also wanted to make sure he got everything I wanted to say. (Mainly that he was a great guy and that I enjoyed his company, but that was as far as my feelings went for him.) The only thing I left out was that what definitely tipped – or at least hastened – my decision was the incessant texting. He cost me more in a week than I normally pay in months, but I know that it never would have bothered me if I’d really liked him.
I saw JC again Friday. He took me to this … well, I’m not sure what to call it. A gamers lounge? The place has huge TVs and comfy chairs set up for playing video games. They even hold tournaments on weekends for the more popular games. It’s a cool place. We ended up playing Gears of War, which was completely new to me. (I also discovered that I’m “even more attractive” while kicking virtual ass. Good to know.)
Afterwards we went to Chili’s. It started raining, and I got a little wet. The cold air inside left me shivering. He didn’t have a jacket so he offered me his shirt instead. I told him I’d be okay once we got our food. Sure enough, I warmed up with the first bite of queso. The rest of the dinner was awkward for me, but only because I feel as though he’s already trying to act like a boyfriend instead of a date. He keeps talking about doing things that involve my family. I haven’t even made up my mind about him.
When I got home later, he immediately started texting.
- LoL u forgot the leftovers.[I left it in his car.]
- :) My brother actually asked about it. [My brother is a pig.]
- Eh well i just had to snack AGAIN and finished it all. Thanks for comming again I enjoyed every minute…
- so you will eat leftovers [ He had said before that he didn't like leftovers. ] … i had a good time too
- Ya what can u do when ur hungry = /
- Hows ur sweater comming along? [I mentioned my knitting when the subject of hobbies came up.]
- beautifully
- U know i would wear ur scarf everyday whether it was good looking or not. I thinkin ur dad is just pickin with all that [ I had mentioned his teasing me before every birthday or holiday - "please don't make me a scarf", but I thought I was clear that it was running joke between the two of us.]
- yeah he likes to tease we all mess with each other
- Seems like we are about the same with teasing family members. my family does the same
- Have u ever been to NASA?
- 6th grade fieldtrip
- WoW u can remember that far, DANG u OID =)o:: ive never been. Lets go sometime, but we should make a group or something.
- that sounds fun i’m going to bed now talk to you later nite
- Gnite
This morning I received the following:
- Gmorning! Monday is double punch at *****’s, want to go for just a coffee? Doest have to be early or does it? I always go or at least try to go on Mondays.
- By the way ask ur brother if he wants to workout sometime we can go if he likes i come to world gym :)
- The news is in! Fantistic 4 was HOT!
- :) still not convinced [ I already told him I wasn't interested in seeing that movie.] coffee on mon is good
- :\ then tomorrow. I want to see u. Will u go? = )
- i don’t know what all we are doing for fathers day so i cant make any plans
- Ohh thats right huh LoL i forgot… K well if plans change let me know. =)
He’s basically made up my mind for me, because I need my space. I haven’t even known JC for a week, and he’s already annoying me. I’ve had some fun with him, but when we’re not together my phone is constantly vibrating with new messages. I’ll meet him Monday and let him know.
He’s a texter. And a movie talker. This could never work.
JC is the first guy I’ve agreed to go out with in a while. It’s not that I’m so picky, but I usually find the guys who do ask me out very obnoxious. Mostly because they tend not to ask so much as tell me that they are taking me out. Immediate turnoff. And it makes me wonder just what kind of signals I’m sending that invites that attitude.
On Monday I gave a family friend a ride to Circuit City to check out computers. She’s an elderly woman in failing health who seems determined to leave her shamelessly greedy family nothing when she dies. Knowing them as I do, I can’t help but understand completely. We went inside with a Sunday advertisement of laptops. She was looking to buy one for a church friend. JC happened to be the first employee we saw, and he took us to the laptops to check them out. While she was examining laptops and prices, JC was chatting me up. While she was paying for the laptop, he was chatting me up. While putting together the rebate forms and receipts, he was chatting me up. And I was surprised to find myself enjoying his company. I found him charming and sincere rather than sleazy and opportunistic. So when he asked if he could take me out sometime, I said yes and gave him my number.
The next night we saw Hostel 2 and went for coffee afterwards. I had a good time. He was fun and easy to talk to. The only negative was at the end when he kissed me goodnight. Instead of a sweet, soft kiss, I got slimed. It wasn’t even a long kiss. I managed to pull away and give him a hug. It felt awkward to me, and I assumed he had felt the same way. Until I got a text invite Wednesday night to see Fantastic 4 at midnight. I really couldn’t go (I wasn’t feeling well), but I suggested that we meet again Friday. I did enjoy spending time with him, regardless of the kiss. He had passion, though no technique. At least technique can be learned.
He immediately wrote back saying he was off today and got off at 2p on Friday. That’s when I first started feeling my guard go up. I wrote the following before going to bed early:
better make it friday i should be off by 5 im not feeling so well right now call me tomorrow and we can make plans no paintball :) [referencing something he had said before]
This morning I found the following text messages:
= ( paimtball would have rocked! I was thinking a place where u can chill and play games or a movie. Why dont u feel well?
I want to help u if ur sick..
Hope it wasnt the drink we had last night..
Ridiculous or not, I was already feeling a bit cornered. I’ve only known him 2 days. His eagerness is actually making me nervous. It just feels like too much too soon. He’s not even giving me time to think about him or look forward to seeing him. So I’ve been alternating between feeling cornered, feeling stupid about feeling cornered, and feeling stupid about obsessing over feeling stupid about feeling cornered by someone I hardly know.
