I used to keep a list of tattoo ideas, but I found that what was meaningful to me one day would be nothing the next day, week, or month.

And so I wonder if I will ever get one.

I try to imagine where I would put a permanent mark on my body, and I have no answer.   Every spot that I consider is a part of me that I love – neck, collarbone, rib cage, hip, butt, thigh, ankle. The idea of inking my body seems like vandalism.

And so I wonder if I ever will get one.

How can I say, “I love my body just the way it is, but…”?  You either love your body, or you feel the need to modify it in some way.  It has been a lifelong journey to this place of contentment with and respect for my body and all it can do.  Coming up with ways to change it seems to negate that positive.

And so I believe that the only tattoos I will ever have are the well-earned lines on my face and the images and lessons imprinted on my mind.

Still, I wonder if I will ever get one.

⌂  I’m taking a beekeeping class this weekend.  I plan to start a hive or two on our land.

⌂  I’m meeting with my work mentor to learn more about productivity and how that is calculated for each department.  I’m also coming to her with a list of habits that I want to break that would be obstacles in my professional success.

⌂  The first load of rock has been delivered to our land at the lake to begin the groundwork for starting our cabin.

⌂  My 14-year-old stepson hugs me on the regular.  We’ve always gotten along, but what was an occasional occurrence before happens every day now.   :)

⌂  My husband and I have started lifting weights together at the gym.  It’s surprisingly fun, and I’m also learning how to be a good spotter.

 

I had a dream that a wasp was flying around me and stung me twice.  It left a large stinger on my thumb that I was able to get out before all the venom was released.  I swatted it and killed it.  It somehow stung me once more after it was dead when I brushed it away from me.

From Dream Moods:

To see a wasp in your dreams signals evil, anger, and negative feelings.

To dream that you are stung by a wasp indicates that there is some hatred directed towards you.  It also refers to envy.

To dream that you kill a wasp signifies your fearlessness in fighting off your opponents, while maintaining your ethics and rights.

 

I have been struggling with anger and negative feelings toward my husband’s ex-wife the last couple of months.  She pulled a stupid stunt in June with my stepson that involved having a 13-year-old boy drive her car through town while she was busy taking selfies and posting them on Facebook. Yeah.

Husband had a long serious talk with both of them, but now I’m left feeling anxious every time stepson is in her care for any extended amount of time.  I already did somewhat before, because I don’t trust her judgement at all.  She acts more like a cool older friend than a mother toward both her children.    Now I feel as though I’m on a heightened alert stage.

Normally he goes to his mom’s  one night a week and every other weekend.  About a week ago she took him and his sister for a 4-day trip to the beach.  I didn’t realize how on edge I had been the entire time until he walked back into our house.  I had such an immediate sense of relief.  As if I could finally breathe again.

It’s hard to feel so powerless when it comes to a kid I love like my own but at the same time have to remember that he is not.

It stings a lot, actually.

♥  Great beach weekend with college roommates Reading bedtime stories to little girls A full heart  Spending time with my nephew   First days of school Kisses New favorite wine Gym time with my favorite guys  Hearing all about his school day Lazy days off together  ♥  Planning a trip to Virginia Beach   “Love ya. Love tu.”                       

⌂  The plane tickets to Florida have been bought.  All my college roommates are going to be able to make the same weekend.  It has been too long since a proper reunion, and this one will be a couple of August days on a beach.

⌂ I’ve finally created a photo book of my wedding photos.  I’ve had so much fun browsing and remembering.

⌂  July is the birthday month for the kids, and we’ve had some great time with family.  Husband took care of son’s gift – a wake board-, and I bought daughter’s.  I found a photo she had pinned a few months ago with the caption “literally what I want my dorm room to look like.”  So I put together the highlights of that room.  I can’t wait to see her reaction.

⌂  I’ve been a little obsessed with Brandi Carlile.  Check out any of her songs from Live from Red Rock.

♥  A guitar from my sweet husband  Dancing like a fool with my stepson  Summer fun at a water park   Long walks by the beach   Ice cream cones  Holding hands  Lunch with my mom and sister  Birthday shopping    A clean car  A nice bump on my paycheck  Looking forward to a weekend at the lake   Shopping for some new clothes                        

 

This was the song my dad and I danced to at my wedding.

There are moments in life that you immediately know you will never live down.

This is one of them.

My husband recently had some surgery to take care of a pilonidal cyst that had been bothering him at the tailbone.  The incision itself healed nicely, but a blister had formed at the bottom between his cheeks. It was located high on the buttocks, but it was inside the skin folds.  It finally popped, and I kept an eye on it.  And it didn’t seem to be healing.  It would grown some skin over and then that skin would get torn from the stress of any movement.  It was in an unfortunate location that made healing hard.

I had some dermabond on hand and decided that I would put some over the weakest area close to his crack in the hopes that it would help limit that movement.  It seemed to be working. But then Husband soon started complaining about it.  I looked at it while he was standing up. I didn’t see what the problem was and thought he was being a bit of a baby.

A day and a half later he laid down on the bed and asked me to look again.  And then I saw the problem.

When I put the dermabond on and held the skin together while it dried, some of that glue had seeped down into his crack.

I had glued his cheeks completely together.  That meant every time he made any kind of movement that results in a spreading action of the cheeks, it pulled on his skin and hair and hurt.  He was lucky it hadn’t quite reached his asshole.

I was mortified.  And started laughing.  I couldn’t believe what I had done to this poor guy.  He was confused and wondering why I was lying and giggling on the bed next to him.  I explained and apologized again and again between my laughter.

I took my time and slowly removed the glue.

He experienced immediate relief.

I was relieved that we had taken care of this before his doctor’s appointment the next day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

⌂  My final weigh-in put me at a 21.5 lb weight loss for the corporate-sponsored program.  I’m waiting to hear if that was good enough to place in the top 3 for a nice cash award.

⌂   I’ll be spending this 4th of July weekend on rotating call Thursday night through Monday morning.  Not looking forward to the weekend, but I am looking forward to the following paycheck.

⌂  I’ve been reading up on serpent-handling for a little background research on a story idea.  The videos and interviews are amazing.

⌂  Red wine and dark chocolate are divine.

⌂ I have a few knitting projects on the horizon for the new babes.

♥  Good coffee  New nail polish  PR on a 5K   Sexy texts from my husband   Dove dark chocolate bars kept in the fridge  Having the house to myself for the weekend  But looking forward to having them home  Finding a rose on my car after work    Early morning thunderstorms  Trying out the new Indian restaurant   Planning a trip to see my friends in Florida   Bigger paychecks                        

My Happiness Project

1. Set a bedtime.
2. Make my bed every morning.
3. Always be reading something.
4. Move more.
5. Toss and organize.
6. Give proofs of love.
7. Leave the past.
8. Fight right.
9. Don't expect praise or appreciation.
10. Kiss more, hug more, touch more.
11. Aim higher.
12. Find some fun.
13. Ask for help.
14. Smile.
15. Realize it's possible.
16. Don't compare;be inspired.
17. Focus on what I have.
18. Beware of drift.
19. Take a chance.
20. Listen.
21. Be mindful.
22. Cultivate gratitude.
23. Spend out.
24. Do good, feel good.
25. Show up.
26. Have the courage to be imperfect.
27. Find joy in the ordinary.
28. Work smart.
29. Enjoy now.
30. Talk to strangers.
31. Go outside.
32. Start where I am.
33. Show up on time.
34. See art everyday.
35. Love with abandon.
36. Be colorful.
37. Dress the part.
38. Revel in accomplishments.
39. Learn something new.
40. Fear less.
41. Take pictures.
42. Speak with integrity.
43. Don't be critical about small things.
44. Manage my pain.
45. Surround myself with creative people.
46. Practice, practice, practice.
47. Don't force it.
48. Deal with something once.
49. Trust my instincts.
50. Avoid gossip.
51. Choose to see the best in people.
52. Take time to be silly.
53. Throw my own party.
54. Be a mentor.
55. Lean into my fears.
56. Find the others.
57. Do the unexpected.
58. Don't break the chain.
59. Do things others aren't.
60. Slow down.
61. Be cool with not being cool.
62. Be kinder than necessary and more generous than reasonable.
63. Pretend I'm good at it.
64. Keep in touch.
65. Row my own canoe.
66. Do what only you can do.
67. If it doesn't work out, find something that does.
68. Dream bigger.
69. Notice what's right.
70. Stop talking. Start doing.
71. When in doubt, choose laughter.
72. Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.
73. Respect everyone.
74. Be early.
75. Delete the unnecessary.

Three Simple Rules

1. If you do not GO after what you want, you will never have it.
2. If you do not ASK, the answer will always be no.
3. If you do not MOVE forward, you will always be in the same place.

All I Need

1. Someone to love.
2. Something to do.
3. Something to hope for.

Countries I’ve Visited

Mexico
Colombia
Thailand
Vietnam
Bermuda (British territory)

I write about…

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